July 14, 2005 - No parent wants an average child, or so it seems these
days. Successful kids must mean successful parenting, right? Wrong,
says leading child psychologist, Ellen Braaten, Ph.D. Parents may
unwittingly be sending the wrong message by jamming their kid’s
schedules with organized sports and extra activities. Whether the child
is aged two or 20, parental pressure is causing many stressed children
to set impossible goals and unrealistic standards for themselves.
Braaten suggests parents and kids relax, enjoy being ‘average’ and,
perhaps, even become bored during the remaining summer vacation.
    
    “Most children won’t earn early entrance to Harvard, become a
violin virtuoso or play professional league sports,” says Braaten. “It’s a
competitive world, for parents and for kids. Being average is great and
is the norm for most children. Unfortunately, early competitive sports,
rigorous academic testing and the tendency to over-reward normal
behavior can make children feel that they must be the best, at
everything. Parents can feel like failures if their child isn’t signed up for
numerous enrichment classes or gets a C in class.”

    Ironically, childhood obesity and childhood participation in
organized sports is at an all time high. Playing sports is touted as the
solution to improving kid’s health. Parents think they’re doing what’s
best by signing their kids up for competitive sports at an increasingly
young age. At weekends, the ball park is packed with kids and there
are shiny trophies to be won. Meanwhile, the nearby swings might be
empty. “Physical activity shouldn’t just be about competing,” says
Braaten. “Unstructured free play is essential for developmental growth.
Kids can get fit by running around, climbing and other self-directed
activities. More importantly, free time and even boredom allows kids to
dream, discover and explore the world around them, learning through
play and imagination.”
    
    Both boys and girls feel pressure to be smart, athletic and
attractive. Braaten has reported an increase in stressed children
appearing at her Boston practice. Particularly striking is a surge in
adolescent self-cutting, especially among her most ‘over-achieving’
child patients. Of course, kids should play sports and enjoy extra
activities, but for every hour scheduled, allow them at least an hour of
free time.